#goals

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I have always prided myself in being a change on a whim type of person. I joke with Writer that he should feel lucky. He is literally the only thing I have never quit on. Almost 25 years married now…I think we are gonna make it. That being said…#goals are something that I have never really stuck with.

Weight loss and improved health have been my #goals on New Years for as far back as I remember. I have been about 30 pounds over the weight I was when I got married for awhile now. I know, I know you may say that was 25 years ago…but It haunts me.

I lost a LOT of weight a few years ago…I just stopped eating really. I didn’t work out at ALL. Not one extra step…just didn’t eat much. at all…and Yes, the weight came off. I loved how I looked but hated how I felt. The minute I started putting real food in my mouth the weight came back on and quick. I felt worn down, and unhealthy.

In July of 2014 I began working out with a trainer. It was a great luxury. I had always hated working out and literally she laughed at me the first day trying to even teach me HOW to do a burpee. But, I did it. Never missing. 2 days a week for 10 months. She left for maternity leave and I jumped on a scale. ( I hadn’t weighed myself hardly at all during that time) I was working out and surely losing weight. My body was changing for sure. I had muscles where I had never had them and generally was liking how I looked. But, I had lost NO weight. None. In 11 months. None. It was crushing. My trainer went on maternity leave and I went back to not working out. I felt like “screw it” too hard. I didn’t think much about what I ate.

I coasted thru the rest of 2015 not really focusing much on it all and when I look at pictures now I can tell. I looked puffy and generally unhappy. Our family had been going thru a high stress time personally and It showed on my face, in my smile and certainly on my weight. At that point really the only thing new I had done for my health was make a commitment to not drinking diet sodas. I stopped in August of 2015. Not one since then.

So, it brings me to now. New year, new #goals. This time I am making it public. I have been wearing my new fitbit everyday. Looking at “health” as not a number on a scale but an over all well being. It is HARD, really hard. It is frustrating. Really frustrating. But, it is one step after the other. Every week I am making a new healthy goal for that week. I hope the weight begins to go down as well….so far it hasn’t showed much improvement.

I walked an insane 9 miles a day for 7 days last week and NOTHING. Not one drop in the scale. I did see a 1.4 pound decrease in body fat. I know that is the most important. But, WOW so hard. I am taking 10,000 iu of Vitamin D per day to help ward off winter blues, and attempting to get more sleep, eating more of the good stuff and less of the not.

Steps. baby steps, every day. some times many baby steps in a day…but I am gonna get there…a path to better health….and surely one day that will show up on the scale as well.

 

 

10 years old

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This sweetie turns 11 tomorrow..so tonight is the last time I will have a 10 year old. I have listened to this song by @leethomasmiller and @wadebowen over and over and over this year. I just love it…tomorrow we head into 11…I love you Jacy and am beyond blessed that you are mine.

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Remembering 9/11 well

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15 years…it has been 15 years since our innocence was shattered…

Growing up a kid of the 80’s we thought we were invincible, we listened to the beginnings of grunge, rap, the ending of rock and roll…we rode in the back of pickup trucks sitting on the wheel bed and then when old enough drove them with no seat belts. We ate doughnuts…and drank Kool aid  because we thought they were good for us…food and hydration. We drove to the next town to sleep out all night on the street and wait for tickets to go on sale to Springsteen, Heart, Poison because THAT was the only way to actually get good seats. A real person, selling real tickets to a real event. We sat in the school parking lot on Friday nights and talked to real people because having a cell phone was something no one could even imagine yet. We didn’t care what people in NYC were wearing or doing because…well…we had no idea what they were wearing or doing. The news was only something our parents watched and growing up with no social media we had no clue what we were “suppose to wear” or “suppose to act like” we were just kids in flannel shirts, jeans and keds

Terrorism was not in our vocabulary. let that sink in….

until the early 90’s and we became aware little by little…Iraq. The first war. at least for us.

Now we are adults. We are the ones who listen to the news, but not at the end of a long work day after dinner, on that huge, heavy Tube Tv like our parents….trusting Walter Cronkite and believing him when he tells us “and thats the way it is”

No, we listen now with skepticism. Not trusting the “news” believing there is no more “truth” we listen on the go…not even knowing the names of one broadcaster unless they have been the subject of “news” themselves. We listen to “journalism” online, on the go, streaming, twitter feeds….not trusting or even believing what they say to be truth, merely a politically driven opinion.

We search for our own truth. Who do we trust. Even now 15 years after THE happening. How is it that we went from unity on that horrible day and the days after…in the quiet of the days when no planes filled the skies, we loved each other. We went back to innocence for a moment and just were kind. We opened doors for people and took cookies to cops/firemen. We believed in heroes. We looked to our leaders for guidance. We hated those who did this to us, but not a whole culture of people. We believed in our country, flew our flags and grieved well….and together. we were children once again…collectively.

Now, 15 years later. We kneel when the American anthem is played, no one flies a flag. We distrust and kill those who seek to protect us. We hate.

BUT it doesn’t have to be this way…this weekend we can choose to remember well, we can be kind, we can believe in our country (even with all its flaws and fighting) we can love each other regardless of our differences, we can be brave, we can thank our police and firemen. We can take them cookies. We can look out on the beautiful September day with crisp turning leaves and a hint of coming fall,  look to the blue sky and thank God that we are Americans. Then act in a way that honors those who died that day.

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Airbnb

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Live like a local! Nashville charm. 1935 remodel.

Nashville, TN, United States

<blockquote>My place is close to Belmont University, Music Row, Downtown, Zanies Comedy Club, Vanderbilt University and Hospital, 12 South, 8th Avenue, Restaurants, The Gulch. You’ll love my place because of t…</blockquote></div>https://www.airbnb.com/embeddable/airbnb_jssdk</div>” target=”_blank”>Would love for you to take a peek at our new adventure…a Home we are listing on Airbnb. We LOVE our city of Nashville and would love to share it with others thru our 1935 remodeled home. We feel so blessed to have a little slice of Nashville history be ours! Take a peek and let us know what you think!

Not good enough

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so it is only day 2 of the new year…nothing really has gone as planned yet. The sun is shining so all is not lost… but I have this thing with time and the passage of such. I mark it in moments and if the initial moment doesn’t happen as planned then I get all out of whack and this year it certainly didn’t go as planned.

But here we are…the Millers. We are holding fast.

I have been thinking about how i feel and so far I already feel behind. how is that? What does social media tell me?

You are behind, you are not as social, you are not as young, you are not as beautiful, your kids are not as happy, your vacations are not as glamorous, you are not as spiritual, you are not as hipster, you are not as cool, you are not as fit, you are not as organic, you are not as good of a chef, you don’t have as much fun, you are not as healthy, you are not as good of a friend, your kids are not as accomplished, your house is not as clean, your not as stylish, your husband is not as happy, you are not as good of a photographer, you don’t love your family as much, you don’t attend church as much, you don’t decorate as well, you can’t declutter as well, you don’t read as much, you don’t celebrate as much, you don’t throw parties as well, you don’t wrap presents as well, you don’t document as well, you don’t letter your daily scripture reading as well, you don’t fix your hair as well, your kids don’t dress as well, you don’t shop at the right places, you don’t organic as well, you don’t look as good when you work out, you don’t work out as much, you don’t teach your children as well, you don’t volunteer as well, you don’t coupon as well, you don’t plan as well, you don’t appreciate your life as well, you don’t encourage others as well, you don’t plan meals as well, you don’t blog as well, you don’t dress as well, you are not as interesting,  you certainly don’t do anything AS WELL…

I was wondering does anyone else feel like this? I am sure I am not alone. I may have even made YOU feel badly about yourself in some way. In some way maybe you have put me and my social media depiction of myself on some sort of pedestal. If so I am deeply sorry. This post is not about making any of YOU feel badly either. I LOVE looking at your pictures, I LOVE watching your beautiful families and your beautiful lives. I LOVE YOU.

What I want to do a better job of is not comparing this year. I want to be happy for YOU. I want in my soul to be able to say “they are AWESOME” and “I am So happy for them” while also realizing that nothing we see online is a full picture of what is in real life, so therefore I want to know YOU more. I want to spend more actual face to face time with my friends and family. I want to invest in the REAL not in just a picture.

I have much work to do on myself. I am never going to be AS good. I want that to be ok. I want it to be ok that I am pretty good at some stuff. That God chose me to raise my kids and I do a pretty good job at it, that I am a pretty good wife and a pretty good family member.  I am pretty good at taking pictures and documenting, I am pretty good at decorating, and pretty good at working out. I am pretty good at lots of stuff. I honestly may NEVER be REALLY good at anything.. but that has to just be pretty good enough.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On Starting Again

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so it is very humbling when I meet people and they tell me how much they enjoy reading my ramblings and ask me to please write again. Seriously…very nice indeed. I have no aspirations for any type of fame, be it small or large. this is mearly a platform for me to ponder. It has been hard as the kids have gotten older and really don’t care to be talked about in a public forum but I am realizing that I can maintain their privacy in certain matters and still do something I enjoy doing and that is writing my thoughts.

I am attempting to do that…so therefore I am starting again.

Understand that many times there are things going on under the surface that I am not at liberty to talk about so please don’t look upon this as “she has it all together” or “wow her life is great” because this like any other blog is only surface and not a full picture of a person. I can certainly attest to “not having it all together” and my life is great only because God is great…everything else is pretty much just a jumbled mess of good and not so good…so I hope you enjoy. Drop me a note if you are reading….